Back to basics

I've been writing a letter this week that's caused me to communicate some profound truths on a very basic level. Here is an excerpt:

In the past, I always considered it important to identify with my brokenness as a sinful being. I made it a goal to get to the place where I could look at all my flaws and mistakes and wounds and own them and be at peace with them. I understood enough about grace to believe that it was greater than my entire lifetime of shit - that it overcame everything - but I still ultimately believed I was a broken, weak, and tainted person. And because I believed that about myself, that’s who I became. My choice to believe that untruth limited me and made my life about survival, about barely making it, about "hanging in there" and doing whatever I could to keep my head above water. And that's all I thought I would ever have. Then a new revelation of truth invaded my life and it turned all of that upside down.

What I understand now is that Jesus died for me to live a life of fullness right now – not sometime in the future, not "in the sweet by and by". And fullness looks like complete freedom from sin, darkness, and brokenness. I understand that because I believe in Jesus, I have received the Spirit of adoption, and can choose to live empowered by the Spirit instead of by the flesh, just as Jesus did. That's possible now, not by any righteousness I can achieve, but simply by believing that the Spirit enables me and by choosing to agree with that truth. It has changed everything for me: what I believe about myself and God and what is possible in this life. I'd been buying into this false reality, where I was still subject to the power of the flesh, believing it to be the real thing. Sin makes us overly conscious of ourselves – like it did to Adam and Eve in the garden – and my over-emphasis on the power of darkness in my life left me swimming around in pools of brokenness, believing myself to be making progress. My mindset was that being fully aware of and comfortable with my sin and weakness would bring me to healing and maturity. But I was ignoring the reality that Jesus died for me to have: where sin is irrelevant and the Spirit has space to flourish. Now I get that. Now I'm liberated from having to think about myself all the time. Instead, I am finding so much freedom and fulfillment walking in the true reality, where I'm entirely focused on the Father and what he is doing, and how I get to partner with him in his work.

This makes a monumental difference in the way I look at my past. Until I understood all of this, it had some lingering power over me. I felt marked and had accepted that I would always be dealing with aspects of my mistakes and of the wounds I’ve received. I believed I was healed, but also that healing was a never ending process that would perpetuate throughout my entire life. I've believed, until now, that my life was forever tainted by the past. But my new understanding has blown that up entirely.

Through believing this truth and walking in it, I can be completely free of every trace of darkness and pain. I am whole and healed and 100% restored - and I am not just saying that because I want it to be true. I’ve done my time processing and sorting through and facing all the implications. And it helped me to understand and accept things, but it didn't ultimately set me free. Then all of this became clear to me and suddenly I realized I didn't have to carry any of that anymore. Just like that I was able to shed it and walk in a fullness and a freedom I never thought was possible before.