On Love

I’m convinced that knowing how to love well is of utmost importance. God IS Love. And his Love is the only thing, in my experience, that really effects change. Transformation occurs at the hands of Love. Greatness blossoms where Love abounds. Walls crumble and souls are enlivened in the face of Love.

And I, as an object of the deepest, purest, most powerful force of Love in the universe, sure as hell ought to be able to turn some of that around, to own it and release it with wings anew… to transform and empower and light up the lives around me. I actually want nothing more than to love well.

Lately, though, I’ve been failing.

It’s impossible to be a source of love until you’ve been a recipient. And the thing is… receiving love – I mean really receiving love – just isn’t as easy as it should be. At least not for me. I have these lies embedded in me, these skewed ideas about myself, and they keep me from letting the influence of Love trickle into the crevices of my being. They keep me from making my home in Love.

And in the face of the ever-formidable lies, I’ve settled for an imitation of Love... Appreciation. Appreciation feeds me because it speaks to me of value, of usefulness and helpfulness and ability and strength. It assures me that I will always have a place because I will always be useful to someone. I’ve spent countless hours of my life in the pursuit of Appreciation. I’ve given people in my life permission to walk all over me, take advantage of me, and undervalue me… all for the sake of the token of Appreciation.

Appreciation is important. Being recognized as a wise and loyal friend, a capable helper, an impactful writer… those are all good things. The problem with Appreciation is it’s based on performance. And if I make it my goal, I am forever striving to be and do more and better. That forever striving is forever exhausting, forever frustrating, and most damaging – forever lonely.

We are only truly met in Love: in pure esteem and gratefulness; in selfless care and gracious sacrifice. When we are delighted in, cherished, held, and seen – that is when the shackles of need, insecurity, and self-preservation fall off. I long to reflect Jesus in this way: to love in such a way that people know their inherent worth and beauty entirely separate from their gifts and talents – from whatever they have to offer. But I’m not very good at it, because that message hasn’t sunk into my own heart yet.

Loving well depends entirely on being loved well. Our Father is the originator of Love – it is perfected in him! And he is ever-abundant in his generosity, ever-patient in his persistence, and ever-relentless in his pursuit of us. I’m looking forward to finding the courage to choose Truth over lies, so that I can overcome every obstacle to accepting all that Love offers, and become the lover of souls I’m meant to be.