2010

I pretty much hated 2009. It was messy and disappointing and painful and ugly and I have no fond feelings towards it. In fact, at midnight on New Year's Eve, when everyone was toasting and kissing, I was thinking to myself "good riddance, you bastard of a year!". I am not sad to see 2009 go.

In the past I've scoffed at the idea of New Year's resolutions. I'm a skeptic, a cynic, a Negative Nancy, a Debbie Downer - so I tend to roll my eyes at anything which reeks of idealistic commitment. But this year, I'm swallowing all of that. Because I need 2010 to be different, and I'm pretty sure the only way to ensure that is to make different decisions, have a different attitude, and live my life differently. So I too have made idealistic commitments to change my lifestyle.

1. As cliché as it is, I'm going to start eating better. Months of unemployment got me into the habit of eating whatever was cheap and available and I lost all sense of intentionality in this area. And since being at my parents', I've had access to an ever-abundant supply of all things unhealthy.
2. Also cliché is my commitment to exercise. I'm usually sporadic in this area, and my work-outs tend to be a spontaneous expression of emotion as opposed to something I've consistently built into my life. I got a hold of a 5k training plan - a slow and gradual plan, but it's very doable, and it'll give me a definitive goal to strive for. I've had a reoccurring dream since I was a kid where I'm running. Not running from something - it's not a nightmare - but just running for very long periods of time and in the dream I always feel incredible. Like I'm flying. Now it's pretty much guaranteed that my running will not feel anything like that. But for the sake of the dream, I have to try.
3. I refuse to say I'm quitting smoking, but I am going to cut back. Way back. I'd like to make it a special treat I allow myself as opposed to a daily habit. Hopefully the race training will motivate me in this direction... I'm pretty sure my lungs will hate me once I start trying to run.
4. It's ridiculous that I have to do this, but I'm determining to spend more intentional time doing the things I love: music and writing. Even though doing these things is life-giving to me, I can slip into lazy mode and just let my creativity wither. But I'm infinitely happier when I'm singing and playing and writing, so I'm making it a renewed priority to pour myself into these things.

So that's my list. It's idealistic; it's painfully cliché; I'll probably look back on this entry at the end of February and let out a long, cynical sounding laugh. But there it is. I'm going to give it my damndest because I am not willing to repeat 2009. It's gone, it can kiss my ass.